Kim K & Taylor face-offs and the logical fallacy of internet argument

I can’t believe there would be a day I spent time writing about celebrities gossips and fights. However this particular fight between two major celebrities in the USA really caught my attention, not because of the incident itself but the reactions of people revolving around it.

This story showcases a very typical fallacy used by people who appear to lack reasons and evidences to defend themselves and avoid the “heavy lifting” of intellectual thinking in the most convenient way.

Lots of people might already know the story between those two but here is my summary: Kanye mentioned Taylor in his song “Famous” mentioning he could have sex with her and said “I made that b*tch famous”. Taylor said the song offended her and said she didn’t know about this even though Kanye stated he had asked her permission. Kim K is Kanye’s wife and of course she is angry because Taylor called her husband a liar and decided to release a video recording their conversation regarding this issue. Truth to be told, Kanye didn’t lie and he did ask Taylor’s permission.

The video hit the Internet like a storm and it soon is divided by two groups who are on the side with Kim K and who are defending Taylor Swift.

I have checked through several Youtube video comments, Twitters and Tumblr to see the reaction of people. Some use good logic, some use beliefs and said they don’t care what she did and some attack opponents to appeal to general public which is also the logical fallacy I would like to discuss.

First, they praise Taylor as a talented and beautiful musician while calling Kim K a porn star therefore Kim K’s word is not trustworthy.

Second, they attack Kanye because he acts like a jerk many times and he has horrible attitude while Taylor acts like a sweet-heart and therefore people should trust her.

This is a very mediocre and senseless argument.

Even lazy because the statement owners cannot think of any comprehensible arguments.

The fact that Kim K released her porn video and Kanye has huge ego problems doesn’t correlate with the legitimacy of their arguments. Their arguments lie on the claim of Taylor being falsely accuse Kanye of not informing her about the song while in fact he did.

When those people put down Kim K and Kanye as a person instead of addressing the core issue, they divert people’s attention to side-lined trivial matters (public displayed personality, actions and activities in front of fans and press) to call the argument absurd without providing a clear explanation. They also display the state of mind of simply not being overlook the difference and hatred to tackle issues, to get close to the core and try to learn from that. People without reasoning are hard to change and absorb new information which poses a threat into collaboration and progression.

Looking at the work of science, I always adore how scientists work to invent and discover groundbreaking everyday. Whenever they present a finding, they receive many feed backs, negative and positive likewise, sometimes attack and name-calling. However progressive scientists are open to constructive opinions and look beyond their initial beliefs to reach bigger pictures. Old findings get updated and replaced by new knowledge everyday. There we have progress.

Close your mind and ridicule people for what they did instead of pondering on issues lead you to the direction and same result every single time. Closing the gap of differences and accept to discuss with reasons, calmness and maturity require a great awareness and effort, and I hope many of people who argue online will see online discussion as an opportunity to learn rather than strengthening your bias and succumbing to the fallacy of reasoning.

 

 

Advertisements

Hardship and Growing Up

If behaviors displayed during childhood can be a predictor for success in adulthood, I could have seen myself being a gawky kid who fail at simple tasks from cleaning to running, not to mention constant failing behind at school and cognitive process of human behaviors. But now here I am, still trying to pave off mediocrity, but studying in Europe with scholarship, manage to run after severe damage to backbones, and have finally developed a great sense of empathy towards fellow human.

Hardship is a part of life. Observing wildlife and any species at young age, survival skills have been embedded in young animals since birth, the strategy to survive, to prevail their predators and competitors in the race for food, mate and better livings. Small kittens learn to stay quiet when the mom is not around, young giraffe has to stand the moment it’s out of the womb, barnacle goose chicks have to jump off hundred meters tall cliff at one month old. Life is tough for animals, they have become wiser to deal with harsh changes (the existence of human beings), the survivors are the one who learn to cooperate and live with us.

Life has been more generous to human beings. In most part of the world, child mortality has been declining with astonishing rate and been extremely low in countries with advanced health care and education system. Most of us have grown up without feeling of hunger, having to work days after days without a stint under the scorching sun or freezing cold or being illiterate until adulthood. No. We, me and you, and whoever can use digital devices to read this article is truly lucky, than more than a billion people living with under 1 dollar/ day.

I was born after the American war in Vietnam, after the great famine who killed off 2 millions people, after the depression that left my grandparents and my parents living on the edge of malnutrition. I was born at the time Cocacola and Honda entered the country, bringing in fresh air of Western economics and new money. Our generation and the next generation and the next one have become taller, bigger and stronger than our predecessors had even been.

But our minds are far from being mature. Many on social media have displayed extreme behaviors of bullying, apathy and ignorant of people’s situations and feelings. People are less resilient in the time of changes, being objected to thousands of criticism of being right or wrong, being confused in their journey to become adult, vulnerable and fragile and lack of skills to handle problems in their owns.

I spot the similar patterns in Western young people. There is no doubt that they are more liberated, outgoing and adventurous compared to Asian at the same age, however, we are all the same, kids who have things been so good for them. People get obsessed by materialism, judge themselves and others on the scale of how successful and beautiful they are. People waste foods who are just new and still edible, some don’t know how to live and cater for themselves basic needs without help, some live in mess without direction.

Sometimes I wonder why life is so difficult, why do I have to deal with this, what have I done wrong to deserve this?

I was outraged and crying because of unfairness and things I supposed I deserved.

But then I realize I have overcome some of this before, hardship but with less stringent maybe, but it made me who I am now. I jumped from a smaller pond to a bigger pond, maybe not a sea yet, and then I have encountered with bigger competition, more fierce predators and unfamiliar neighborhood. I am unprepared to survive on this environment.

I need to stack up more skills, knowledge and strength to survive in this environment. I become a smaller fish in a bigger pond. I’ve become less pugnacious toward friends and people who have been struggling to push through like me. We are in the same pit.

I saw people bashing each other online and joined in heated argument with people who yearn for apocalypse to happen. This kind of thoughts sickens me to my stomach. Growing up with parents whom lived in the war and witnessed loved ones die, had to live with less than 500 gram of meat per month and lack of proper hygiene, I treasure every moment I have with family and wish bad things would have never happened to them. The same for old people of earlier generation, they suffered enough to know what is precious to them. Young people, on the other hand, have lived in more comfortable life with proliferating spending to trivial stuffs may not be able to comprehend those hardships.

Hardship is not only for the sake of surviving, it’s for better understanding of fellow human beings and develop empathy that we need to enrich our life. Modernization is unstoppable and constantly transforming the world. There are more new forms of hardship and struggling compared to previous generations. However, we also do have many more means to escape reality and problems than ever. What should we do to prepare ourselves for the life ahead which we don’t know? Should we stay in one place forever and play it safe? Should we advance to a new level, suffer and grow? Or fail while trying?

Whatever struggle and hardship we are going through, it’s bitter and hard, but let be confident that we will make it through. And we will survive, being tougher and more resilient.

 

 

Gender equality – equal opportunities not equal outcomes

Women, in general, have different desire and definition of success than men therefore it’s obvious they achieve different results in life. 

My perspective of gender equality might be greatly influenced by circumstantial factors derived from the fact that I was born and lived in a developing country for nearly most of my life, especially Vietnam where gender equality is a new concept and many initiatives have been invested to reach it, yet the result is insignificant. My upbringing enables me to not only witness but experience gender inequality in asymmetric institutions (formal and informal) first-hand and more transparent than in already developed countries which have passed the first wave of feminism decades ago.

Institute for Women’s Policy Research in the U.S indicates that ‘female full-time workers made only 79 percents for every dollar earned by men, a gender wage gap of 21 percent’. This statement is roaming famously around the Internet and used constantly in the debate of gender equality. What many fail to address is that this is not a straightforward statistic, but rather a direct consequence of collective resources affecting gender division of labor. In the book Economics After Crisis,the author Irene van Staveren clearly distinguishes six principal roots that link to the inequity income.

  1. Women are more likely to spend hours on unpaid works (such as caring for children, households, chore work) than men.
  2. Girls in general are not encouraged to go to schools or higher education due to social stigmatization.
  3. Women spend less time in labor market due to maternity leave, and time spent for children, etc.
  4. Jobs dominated by women (healthcare, education and secretarial work) earn relatively low wages compared with jobs taken often by men (finance, business, engineering).
  5. Asymmetric formal institutions which give women less rights to inheritance, individual ownership or freedom to buy and own properties in their own rights.
  6. Gender stereotyped about leaderships and women in high-level positions that limit their chances to promote and advance further.

It is evident that there are serious imbalance in social norms and values in developing countries like Vietnam as women are expected to burden most of unpaid works (child and home care) while men are freed from their responsibilities and regard as higher in social hierarchy. Also, I acknowledge the stereotype and common beliefs that prevent many females to enter ‘masculine’ fields such as engineering and electricity or finance. Even when they enter those fields, they have to struggle to balance time for works and families. In Vietnam, they are called ‘Superwomen’ as expected to perform exceptionally well in both fields without much help from families and communities (I think this is absurd and placing too much expectation and stress for female full-time workers).

On the other hand, I believe that the gender imbalance exists also due to the primarily innate differences in biology, in terms of hormone and behaviors. For example, there are extensive evidences showing that men possess stronger tendency to be dominant, aggressive behaviors, to initiate negotiations, to engage in competitive environment and to yearn for power. Back to the day of hunting-gathering, males were the ones who set out to dangerous places to hunt not only because they were protective of their women, children and tribes but because they had better spatial awareness – they can see objects in three dimensions and navigate better. Even now, males are better at directions than women.

Even though we are matched in terms of intelligence and multitasking, men handle lack of sleep better than women while women are better at worrying and locating small objects than men. Also women naturally are better care givers therefore they work the best in healthcare and education.

It’s easily to spot those differences in my surrounding environment. Men are fascinated by machines, cars and complex handicrafts while most women like to go shopping, arts and creative works. Some might argue that it is due to social conditioning that channels girls to like ‘girly’ stuffs. I agree at some extents, human beings are conditioned by their parents and societies’ beliefs into general standards and social norms, nevertheless at a certain age as they gain self-awareness and power over decision-making, they are given freedom to choose. Especially in developed countries, women and men at age of 30s, 40s still can change their career choices and study fields that completely non-related to their previous expertise. And still, I don’t see many women get excited about engineering, electrics, automobiles like men.

In additional, women have different definitions of success than men. Men like to power and dominate and have high social status, women get motivated by affiliation – the desire for acceptance, social inclusive and relationships with others – families and friends. With different core mindset and goals, naturally comes different outcomes and career aspirations.

Overall, we perceive a profound and consistent gender gap in men and women’s core life goals outside external factors that influence overall wage gap. Some might conclude that women are less determined to succeed. But success means different things to different people. Many women when mentioning success don’t narrowly define it as professional achievement, but view it in broad and extensive scope of balance life and meaning outcomes. Women might appear less ambitious to some who value professional ambitious or to people who insist the value of women are not at home. But to me, women are free to choose what suits best for them – advance in prospective field or staying at home more to care for their children, both are equally appreciated. That’s what feminism and gender equality should be about. Women are given equal chances to study, to advance and to choose, not necessarily achieving the same things as men to prove that they are equal. Because individuals have unique abilities and companies and business should give chances to qualified people, not because of affirmative actions or due to quota.

 

Asian kids and the fall from academic greatness to middling Ok

‘Whatever you do, there will be always an Asian kid who does better than you’

The joke has been around in the Internet since I first encountered the digital world. The stereotype that ‘Asian kids are good at math’, for example, is fascinating for me because it’s partly true.  Most of the Asian students admitting at my university study Economics or Business, Finance and Marketing. Finding one in Social Science field like me is a rare gem.

Asian kids always win high places at competitions such as International Mathematician/ Physics Olympiad. Among immigrants in the United States of America or in Europe, Asian migrants or Asian-born people prove to have better life standard, academic performance and employment opportunities compared to other ethnic groups. A 2010 Pew Research study showed that Asian households earning a median $66,000 a year vs. $49,800 for the average US household, a 32% difference. A 2013 Nielsen Research Report found that Asian American households have a median net worth of $89,300 compared to $68,800 for overall US households, a 30% difference. Meanwhile, roughly 49% of Asian Americans have Bachelor’s degrees vs. 28% of the general US population, a 75% difference.

It’s no doubt that the average Asian doing much better than average American in the USA and in many regions in the world. However, looking at the top of those fields, it’s predominantly Whites. This recurring topic has been under scrutiny for decades among Asian mass media and scientists, attempting to debunk the myth of excellence and creativity and what factors set individuals apart.

Why is that?

Continue reading “Asian kids and the fall from academic greatness to middling Ok”

Why do we feel melancholy?

Among five natural human emotions – anger, love, joy, fear and sadness, the last one is hardly talked about, discussed and shared. We spread love and joy, we support each other in fear and discuss when we are angry but we bear sadness alone, in our own bubbles. You will say – excuse you, we empathize and comfort others in the moment of sadness and despair too. I wholeheartedly agree with you. There is nothing better feeling in the world as the time we hit so low, the surrounding world is crumbling and falling apart and knowing that there are people having our backs, caressing and soothing us, wiping our tears and whispering ‘It’s going to be fine’. Even so, who are going to listen to our sobbing stories every day? When the sky is blue but we don’t know why, how many people out there would stop and ‘listen’ to our ‘seem-to-be-nonsense’ plummet of feelings? Sadness is personal and we gnaw at it in our single moment, feel the bitterness of it the most when we are alone and we tend to keep it to ourselves.

Sadness is the definition extending from the extreme of despair, sorrow, grief and depression to the lightest form of melancholy. Today I talk about melancholy.

In the moment of New Year just passing by, I have been struck with melancholy and constant struggle to break through and find the solution to get out. It is not a day in the week or once a month occasion, I have it every day, in the morning when I wake up to the time I lay in bed alone, mindlessly scrolling through Facebook, Youtube and Tumblr.

Why do we, human beings, have to suffer from melancholy?

It’s nothing serious happened. No one died, I am not homeless, I have enough food to eat for today, tomorrow and many following days, I have a shelter to hide in when it rains and snows. My parents love me. I am deeply grateful.

Many people have a nearly perfect life but they cannot escape from the feeling of hopelessness striking from time to time. It’s not about sorrow, despair of a loss of life or depression that leading to suicide. Melancholy is an emotion with a purpose and consciousness.

Continue reading “Why do we feel melancholy?”

MEET THE VILLAIN – WHAT IS GOING ON IN OUR GLASS-LIKE MENTALITY

quick to outrage over nothing. A simple word is turned into a weapon to hurt others
I am offended!

Glass-Like mentality: Sticks and stones can break my bones but words can break my heart

I wholeheartedly agree that words are the most hurtful weapon one can use to destroy others. Simple, yet effective. Remember the time when we were small and get yelled at by our parents or teachers “Why can’t you get it? Everyone get it” “You are so slow” “Can’t you do anything by yourself”, it left us with a feeling of fundamentally wrong and a hollow in our heart. Those words can be imprinted in our minds for years and constantly replayed in the social and work settings to remind us how pathetic and ugly we are. One word from our beloved one, we can feel insanely full of joy or totally heartbroken. One word of criticism from your boss, one word of appreciation. Just one word can change your whole day, your whole world and sense of self-worthiness.

We are feeble, fragile and easy to break. Our mentality is “glass-like”. Find a correct weapon, hit a critical spot and it will break down to thousands pieces.

However, recently I have this kind of impression – people have gone extremely intolerant. “I’m offended” “It’s rude” “It’s disgusting, you can’t say that”. It seems like people walk out of their door and the world is so ready to throw hundreds of hurtful words to them, break them, anger them and make their lives miserable.

Opening any new channel or visiting social media, reading comments on Youtube or Facebook, there are always one or two cases where someone else is offended by an allegedly insensitive remark of others even though those remarks might not necessary direct at them.

Now I have the feeling that I cannot say whatever I want because I might hurt somebody. And it’s dangerous and ridiculous. I have the right to freedom of speech and so do you. You are entitled to your opinion as well as I am. I totally believe that offended people have the rights to their own opinions but why do they have to enforce restraint on mine or others? Isn’t it hypocritical?

It’s frustrating and it drives me to go on a small exploration to meet the dark force driving behind the overflowing of this mental breakdown phenomenon.

We need a bad guy

I really like a famous quote of Tony Montana from the movie Scarface (1983) acted by Al Pacino:

“You need people like me so you can point your fuckin’ fingers and say, “That’s the bad guy.”

In many situations in life, when something occurs, we feel a deep need to find an explanation for that, a need to blame what triggered the problem. As a social animal, as I discussed in another post about “us” versus “them”, human beings are prone to classify people whom they perceive are different from them into another group. In-group have tendency to overestimate attributes of group members and devalued out-groups. Excluding collective behaviors and group pressure, an individual can be also a group in which he or she is the only member. We as a person have a strong sense of self, a definition of who we are and our own values. When interacting with another human being with a different or contrasting set of value, our own values are being challenged, questioned and negotiated. We will start compare and contrast themselves against others. And there, we will seek chances to place ourselves higher than others. So that we can feel in control, in power and have strong sense of identity.

Criticize and blame is one of the tools we often use in life. If another person is bad, we feel that we must be relatively good. We often look for someone who did the bad things to minimize our inner sense of wrongdoing. After getting tired and beaten by our own inner critics, we seek for a scapegoat to deflect the spotlight away, to say to ourselves “See, I’m not that bad”. We feel the need to put the blame on someone else, for the miseries or problems that we have in our lives. We simply cannot blame our own selves for our own miseries and imperfection. (Because if we do, we most likely end up in depression)

The more blames we put on others – “the bad guy”, the more successfully we’ve covered up our own problems and insecurity. That’s why we are so quick to outrage to trivial matters.

MASS MEDIA and the excess of everything

Some old people told me that it was not that people nowadays get offended easily and more than in the past. Years ago, people got offended when called “poor” “monkey” “fat” a lot but they did not vocalize it openly like now. That is an intriguing point of view. I agree that people have become more aware of their own rights and have more confidence to talk about what bothers them. On the other hand, I support the view that time changes and we have become more intolerant toward others and quicker to outrage about one misused word, criticism or a rude comment.

First, thanks to social media and mass media, we’ve become greatly self-aware and felt significantly insecure more than previous generations. The generation of youngster born during 80s-90s is labeled as self-centered and narcissistic. Our sense of self are inflated by our parents, friends and media telling how special we are, that we are unique snowflakes and beautiful. But most of people, even people you consider the most confident, don’t walk around feeling that great. Because we are incessantly hit with waves of self-critic, self-sabotaging thought – our own feel of insecurity.

Every day, on television, on social media, we are reminded of how imperfect we are – we need to lose weight/ gain weight, have to buy these clothes, have this luxury house with this brand of car, or else we are not worthy and viewed as successful. Every aspect of our life and our value are measured on materialistic scale. A jointed study conducted by NBC and AOL.com found that 60 percent of women experience hurtful and self-critical thoughts on a weekly basis, half of adults report they think about their appearance at least “several times daily” – if not more, 80% of teenagers compare themselves to the image of celebrities.

Not only that, social sites like Facebook are places where people get the most damage to own self-identity and confidence. Exaggerating, over praised or mocking, criticizing are equally harmful to the mentality. In virtual world, people can speak their own opinions anonymously, without facing any real consequence which gives them a dangerous sense of power. Many people suffer from virtual bullying, being called names, belittled and even threatened for little or no reason at all. Human beings, as a social animal, constantly keep seeking acceptance from others and public. So when people do not receive what they are looking for (e.g. praise, compliments), it creates a feeling of being fundamentally wrong. Those thoughts are absorbed into the brain and constantly replayed at slow motion in our brain as our inner critics, make us feel insecure and untrusting of others.

One study showed that over praising is harmful to child’s self-esteem and I do believe this applies to adults as well. When we were small, we were sugarcoated and bubble wrapped by our parents telling how special and talent we were. Then we grow up and discover the trust that most of us are pretty average or mediocre. We turn to another source of comfort, to seek unique value within us to make us feel special and loved. There, we have social pages. To counter attack bullying and negative comments, some people are apt to pour positive comments, compliments and flowery words to other strangers without thinking with generalized phrases such as “All women are beautiful” “Even I never met you but I believe you are beautiful, kind and deserved to be loved” and so on. Of course, they have good intention, and it does give listeners a soothing feeling, a temporary secure they are seeking for, unconsciously or consciously. But it doesn’t solve the main problem, ease the tension of worthless feeling and overcome the fierce agent in our psych.

The truth is most of us are average, most of us are not perfect with long leg, silky skin with tons of bills to spare. It is life. And it is totally OK. Not everyone is smart, not everyone is physically gifted. Our potentials and aptitudes are diverse. So when some people tell us how beautiful we are, but inwardly we are aware that we are not, we are not convinced. Our subconscious would keep repeating the same old song of how useless and ugly we are. Eventually we lose sense of our own abilities.

For example, Lara is a normal looking girl with little acnes on her skin, her legs are short. She is also a girl of in-house activities. She is extremely aware of her appearance. She keeps asking herself why she is so ugly and unpopular. To make her feel better, her parents comfort her by saying “You are the prettiest girl in the world” “You are special in your own way” as well as her friends. But it doesn’t change how she thinks of herself. When she goes to college, to public, to work, she will meet with a lot of people, prettier than her, very outgoing, super friendly and nice. She will also have to deal with mean people who call her “ugly, fat, useless, quiet, shy”. She hates herself.

But Lara is also very good at making wooden toys. One day a friend saw it and said “I love the way you carve the bunny and his little ears” and the friend showed how adorable Lara’s hand-made toys are for people. Many people love it and they even buy it. Lara receives a firm assurance about her own skill, her own value that is nothing like others. She gains a strong sense of self and much more confidence.

I firmly believe, as much as coming from own experience, that the recognition of own uniqueness is much more important and powerful than a sweet but void compliment of things not exist in the first place.

Conclusion

There is a history story about a general with an army of 10,000 soldiers defeating a powerful enemy with more than 100,000 soldiers, 1000 massive wooden ships fully equipped with canons and weapons. How did he do that?

He knew that the enemy would come to his country via the river door of Bach Dang river – a deep and fierce river with muddy water. He placed bamboo poles with sharpened pointy head covered in steel in the bottom of river bed when the tide was low. Few days later, the troop of enemy came. Because of high level water, they couldn’t seen the bamboo poles. When they sailed further through the river door, time passed by, water retreated further deep into the sea, exposing hundreds of pointy bamboo poles. The ships were stuck and pierced open by the poles. The enemy soldiers when trying to escape from the sinking ships, jumped to the water, only ended up being killed by ambushed troops or by bamboo poles. The battle was over in one day.

So what is the lesson? If we are going to fight of what we don’t have, we are going to lose terribly.

Let’s imagine we are in the middle of battlefield, equip ourselves with what we have, taking advantage of external factors, training our skills to fight and win.

We are mediocre and it is OK

Be the best you can be.

“I am average” “I am just mediocre”.

Accepting that we are no better than others is the hardest thing to say and face it. The word mediocrity tastes like a poison at the tip of your tongue. We avoid mediocrity like a plague. There are tons of articles and self-help books out there to show people ways to become richer, thinner, better and prettier. We cannot accept the fact we are not special snow-flake like our parent use to sugar coat us.

Since childhood, we have been bubble-wrapped by compliments about how special we are. “You are the most beautiful girl in the world” “My little boy is so smart” and our parents and the world have told us that we can do whatever we want, we can be great and rich if we try hard enough.

People always possess the thinking of being special, even at the smallest fraction of life. We want to own the best house on the street, have the most trendy coat and bag with the most elegant looking wife or husband. There are stories about women who firmly believed that their ex-boyfriend in spite of married still love them the best, that they are the best women in his life.

We always find reasons to feel special about ourselves.

But the fact is that, most of us are pretty normal or average in life. Studies showed that people tend to overestimate skills and attributes of own while devaluating others. 80% of respondent estimated they are above average. The truth is only a small percentage of population escaped the average lane to be classified as exceptional and only a very small fraction (1%) of the whole world is super unique and extraordinary. The rest belongs to middle and low range.

You might argue that No, I am different.

Let me ask you a question.

“Are you exceptional in all areas of life?”

Human beings have a diverse aptitudes and potentials. Some are gifted at academic fields, some can draw extremely well, some can learn playing piano just by listening to random chores from the radio, some can withstand super cold weather, some can be extremely beautiful. We are all different. We are not exceptionally in almost every field.

The attention of human is limited as well as our energy and dedication. If you want to be excel at one thing, you have to put a lot of efforts into it to the point it is not fun anymore. When looking at athletes, the thing that is show visible to us is the end result of thousands of hours training and pushing. The rigorous training schedule is made to push physical limitation and some of which can be detrimental to one’s health than beneficial. We believe that sports are good for health and bodies but extreme professional sports are nothing close to healthy and good.

Will you willing to sacrifice your health and time to push to the top?

Even if you will, will you have enough time to be good at everything you like?

The feeling of being average is a movie that constantly replays in many social situations where you find yourself worthless and unrecognizable. You will have the feelings that you do not belong to the place.

Accepting that you are average can clear you out of the stress. People are imperfect. Even though you cannot see that, many of them, even the elites – who are so good your effort seems like a job – feel insecure sometimes. But then they get over it. Because they are confident in their own talents and values.

If you constantly compare yourself to others, you will never feel at ease.

I used to compare myself a lot of other pretty girls. I scrutinized at their elegant long legs, beautiful faces that shine even in the lamest clothe. I despised them so much and felt life was so unfair that they had everything just because they are pretty. I devalued them and said they are brainless girl. Time passed by and lesson learned. The more people I met, the more I realize how small I am. There are a lot of people who are both beautiful and smart and some are really smart, socially not academically like me, doesn’t mean they aren’t.

Life is all about the survival of the fittest.

If you fail, you need to change.

I have changed, to be more open, to be more socially to fight on the same battles with people who are more beautiful and wiser. Instead of wasting their time and effort in competing in trivial matters, they put effort to improve themselves, to live their dreams and do what they love and totally chill about it.

I have long accepted that my strength does not lie in my beauty. I am a normal girl and acceptable looking. My strength lies in my passion for writing, to produce creative works and get connected with people. I have my own ways to go.

Accepting that one is mediocre does not mean that one gives up to be better. It means that one realizes there are still many rooms for improvements. The one who made it to the top is the one who never doubts the purpose of their doings and always seek for improvement.

I remember the famous quote from Whiplash: “There are no two words in the English language more harmful than ‘good job’”. We are never good enough. The day we think we did a pretty good job, we have killed our dreams and potentials.

We are all average and it is ok.